The Winter Olympics leave me cold

I don't have the fever. I desperately wanted it. The thrills, the chills ,the shaking and quaking just aren't there. I've checked my forehead and it's cold as ice. I stare at the TV clicker and pine for last summer. I sadly place it on the couch and consider picking up a good book. Who am I? I don't have WINTER OLYMPIC FEVER! Sorry NBC programming and all the folks making snow but I'm not a groupie for these games. It could be my fear of snow, as even though I'm in a desert , looking at the white stuff makes me a little rashy. I diligently tried watching the Combined Nordic Track guys trudging, and sweating their way across country, but got bored. I don't understand the "combined" part although rumor has it they jump at some point. Can someone tell me when , where and why? If they don't do it soon I'm turning the channel. I took a telephone poll during the Biathalon to see if anyone else was watching or cared. Not a soul, but my friend Rick burst out laughing and told me to turn on a Seinfeld re-run.

I loved the Summer Olympics in China - primarily because of the American men's swim team. I can still picture their upper and lower bodies. Now that was good programming. Maybe the Winter Olympics involve too much clothing. No skimpily clad girls playing beach volleyball although I'm miffed on how they could concentrate on the ball with all that sand and so little suit. I'm still itchy. The men's beach volleyball team was pretty fine also. I never watched the ball. I know the Winter games have little figure skating costumes but face it men spinning in sequins isn't hot. And why do they call it a "death spiral?" Is this good for children? I tried to watch the women's moguls. Ouch, ouch, and ouch girls; I downed a handfull of Advil in sympathy.

Who could stay awake during the opening ceremonies? I vaguely remember someone flying thru the air reciting a poem. Where were the Chinese drummers and acrobats? I decided to order out Chinese food thinking this would rekindle my Olympic spirit. I fell asleep after 3 egg rolls.