Biblical times, bad hair days

Spring's over here in Chicago. It was one day. I put on a t-shirt , gym shorts and went outside. Wow, breezy, warm, the sun was out...I felt happy, light, and almost care free. Almost. The channel 5 weatherman wasn't grinning at me with his evil twisted smile forecasting snow. Although he did have a moment of joy in April when he said his favorite words "winter storm warning". "WHAT?!" I shreiked, running for the heavy medication and alcohol. "Snow??? It's April... April", I sobbed. "No, not snow, I can't take another flake. My parka, quick, where's my freaking parka? I'll be cold, alone, and covered in white"! I had to be blindfolded until the snow melted.

I was convinced after the very last teenie weenie flake melted that my meteorological panic attacks were over until November. Warm temperatures...short sleeves...no prescription drugs. Did I forget to mention I'm building an ark? The channel 5 weather devil is back and he's smiling in May. He's not allowed to smile in May! Rain, high winds, possibly "damaging" (his new favorite word) and flooding. Take cover, duck from the flying debris and be sure to carry an umbrella. Huh? It's downright biblical. My dog has mold between his toes and water wings on 24/7. Oh my God, my hair... look away or you'll go blind. I now use super glue as conditioner.

I'm not handy with wood or a hammer so ark building is quite a challenge. As for the "two by two" criteria; I don't think I have two of anything but I'm looking.