COYOTE UGLY... The Women's Version

A. and I were talking about men ....

"A. do you think you could have sex with that guy Larry I introduced you to? I mean what would it take? Oh God could you imagine him with no clothes"? (yes women think these things).

She screamed and then slyly remarked, "Is he rich"?

I thought about it..."He's got money....how much would you need"?

Again she pondered and squirmed.

Let me describe Larry. He looks very similar to a lawn gnome: same height, coloring, clothes, and sadly physique. But before I come off as all that's evil in the world...he's a very nice guy. Nice I say!)

A. looked thoughtful , "How rich and do you have any Quaaludes"? I could tell the wheels were turning in her head.

"How many would you want"? Truthfully I hadn't seen any since 1983 but I thought we were on to something.

"Well, she demurred, if he's really really rich, maybe 1 drink and 2 Quaaludes. I'd need to be close to unconscious...oh and an engagement ring".

Wow, A. very nice thinking and kudos for planning ahead. This is how she and I devised the female version of "COYOTE UGLY". And there are no "bags" or messy "arm chewing" involved!

Drug and alcohol free - cute guy, having sex with him wouldn't be a problem. Call me asap if you know this man. I want him too.

1 Drink - not bad looking, but not attractive enough to be completely sober.

1 Drink 1 Quaalude - you're horny and he's all you got, but it could be worse.

1 Drink 2 Quaaludes - worse but he's rich and it could mean a nice vacation next winter.

1 drink 2 Quaaludes and an engagement ring - Lord have mercy on your soul and eyes, but he's extremely rich. Retirement and a personal staff are in your future. Oh and a tasty little Mercedes, as well as a Bergdorfs card and unlimited checking account, no questions asked. You would however need a good pharmacist.

"LAWN GNOME UGLY".... fair is fair.