Dating Tips For Those Seeking Immediate Answers

My friend Charlie approaches finding a mate like a job interview. I think this is a little harsh as not everyone gives good "interview." I happen to be a great interview and not so good once I get the job. Go ahead and ask my ex-hubbies. I think don't think they'd provide me with a letter of recommendation. F##k 'em if they can't take a joke. Charlie on the other hand, takes his hiring process very seriously. He's just short of handing out a questonnaire like you get in the doctor's office.

"Charlie darlin' don't you think it's a little pre-mature on the first date to ask someone so many questions? You don't take their blood pressure do you?"

"I think it's good to know right off the bat whether we have compatible life styles." Hmmmm and girls beware I think it's like the dreaded "pop quiz."

"Well what's on this life style list?" I was curious to see if I would pass or fail because I'm the competive type.

"I need to know if they're still working or retired. I'm retired so I can't be tied down with a woman who works and can't travel. (Uh oh I've got one wrong already. )

"Ok, what else is on the test or ah hem , 'interview' ?"

"There's the dog vs. cat issue because my dog doesn't get along with cats. That also begs if she like dogs because I'm not getting rid of "Hobo." Well I'm on his side. Ixnay to dog haters. My "Beefy Boy" stays - dog haters go.
"Common interests, are big, he continued uncoaxed. Absolutely no golfers because I don't play and they tend to always be out on the course. And I can't tolerate the endless golf talk."
Personally I don't play golf but like to watch the game on TV, so I don't know if I got the question right or wrong.

"I also want to know if they're a morning person or a night person. I'm a daytime guy and don't want to start the day at the crack of noon and be up until all hours." Two wrong for this girl. I'm rarin' to go anytime after 11:00 a.m.

"Any more biggies for your unsuspecting victims.... I mean dates?"

"Compatible sex."

"Well that's not a question. Isn't it more like an action verb?"

"It's good to find out quickly. Why continue if the sex isn't good?"

"I'm curious.....do men ever think sex is bad? (this is a great question, isn't it?)

"I once broke up with a woman in bed. (I think I lost consciousness for a second) She didn't move. Just laid there. (Was she filing her nails? ha ha, old joke) I told her right then we were not going to be a match."

I have no idea whether I'd pass or fail that last question. It's personal not business. I can't help but wonder if Charlie has the right approach. Maybe I should work up a questionnaire and hand it to a date...it would save a lot of conversation and I could file my nails.