Why I Am Not a Cougar Woman

Grrrrrrrrrrr. I wish I was a Cougar Woman. I don't have the chutzpah to hunt younger men which bums me out. Cougar women how and where do you do this? Are you in caves out west; a feral group clad in animal hide feeding on unsuspecting bighorn sheep and flat abbed 35 year old boys with hair? Go girls, go! "Google" defines you as over the age of 40, financially independent , successful, confident, motivated, love your life and self. Are you having a membership drive or bake sale any time soon? Cougar women survive on a tasty cuisine of men at least 10 years younger. Yummy, but I've never been particularly adventurous about food. Curiously old men have preyed on younger women for years and they've been called "lucky" not some form of wild mountain cat. Rumor has it younger men are more energetic, fun, and trainable. The happy word is "trainable". Yet.... it sounds time consuming. I'm the lazy sort who always wonders when I get a new puppy why I just didn't buy a 2 year old dog. No muss, no fuss, they sit, stay and don't pee on the rug. I prefer this in a man also.

I dated younger and "trainable" once. He had all those good puppy qualities: cute, playful, energetic, youthful enthusiasm, stared at me adoringly and mindfully. Not bad huh? Was I crazy, what went wrong? For starters he never read one play by Shakespeare, one book by Hemingway, or F. Scott Fitzgerald, stared vacantly at me when I mentioned Hunter Thompson, no less William Burroughs or Jack Kerouac. No "Catcher in the Rye" in his personal history, or "Annie Hall" and "Easy Rider". Yes, there was a war in Vietnam and Watergate brought down a President named Nixon. "You were three when Kennedy was shot"?! Crap. My puppy man and I had very different life landmarks. Sadly, those aren't trainable. The flat abs were nice.

I confess I really do like puppies and will probably have another one regardless of the paper training, accidental peeing on the rug, and the time consuming lesson of "sit and stay". As for men...must come fully trained.