"Tell" Even if Your Best Friend Doesn't Ask

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but I never thought he was right for you." Excuse me?! How many people have heard that before? And even worse it was your best friend who finally spit it out. Your closest friend in the world with whom you've shared every secret except that incredibly freaking important one. My question is why why why don't the folks that didn't want to "hurt your feelings" speak up sooner? Wouldn't it have been so much better to hear these opinions before the devastating break-up? When you were so blinded by love, lust, or infatuation that you couldn't think or see straight maybe a word or two of warning from a friend would have been nice! If that doesn't work a quick slap across the face is tasteless but appropriate.

My Dad has come up with some doozies as I sat in the living room sobbing. "He was a freeloader." Oh that's comforting, as I lunged for another Kleenex. "Dad, what does that mean?" I doubted it would make me happier but I was curious. "Didn't you see how he always ate so much food when he was at a family function." Huh? "He never stopped eating." "Dad he could afford food," I choked out as I didn't want to think I spent four years with someone who only liked me for the free meals. "Mom, what did you think?" "He was too Gentile." I was speechless and looked around for a bible. I think a big chocolate cake would have been more comforting.

I admit it would be hard to tell a friend you think their significant other treats them badly or worse is cheating on them. How do you start that conversation? "I can't believe how cold and snowy it's been this winter. I really need a vacation and think you should come with me because your husband is having an affair." Do not say this in a public place and immediately administer a Valium. As difficult as it is to believe, "I didn't want to hurt your feelings but...." is a much harder pill to swallow.