Here comes Bridezilla

Listen up brides-to-be, don't ask me to be in your wedding. I know summer's the height of your season but I read an article in the New York Times Style section that implied you're getting persnickety. It sounded to me like you've gone mad. Girls get a freaking grip on yourselves, it's a wedding not a human sacrifice to the fountain of youth. Botox, restylane, chemical peels, Fraxel laser treatments are now de rigueur for the bride's attendants. For God's sake you're all so young, the mirror is still a friend, not an enemy combatant. Take a Xanax Bridezilla. What happened to handing out nice bracelets from Tiffanys as a little thank you? I don't want Botox or fillers! I want a bracelet! "Hand over the jewelry and put the needle down".

I don't care if the bride picks up the tab for the paralytic agents, I don't want them and I'm cheap,really, really cheap. Sadly, I could use a facial refresher, but I've chosen soap over poison. I read that my future daughter-in-law could ixnay me from the wedding party if I don't agree to this cosmetic torture. Dr. Frankenstein can you help me out here? Poor Mom can't be in the wedding if her face shows any sign of movement. Apparently one bride demanded her bridesmaids get breast implants. Clever girl got a surgeon to agree to do four for the price of two. Blindingly white teeth, tanned skin, liposuctioned thighs, new cleavage, and paralyzed foreheads, wow girls sounds like what you really need is a good mortician. Someone call the bride police.

Just for fun I pulled out my old wedding pictures. My hair looked like crap . Whose idea was a perm? I hate the dress too. I think I was high when I bought it. I was smiling however, which meant I could move my face.