"Sell, baby sell" or global post-it notes

SELL! BUY! SELL, SELL, SELL! No buy! It's a good time to buy. But wait ,I'm nervous, I need to sell. Anything. Everything. Cash, I should have cash. I rip my wallet open; crap, not enough to make it to 5:00p.m. I look around my office. Anyone want to buy my stapler? I'll throw in extra staples. The tv, how about the tv? It has a very nice flat screen and could fit in a large purse. The dog looks worried as I glance over at him . He stays even if it means my giving up being a blond. I send a quick email of apology to my colorist. Is this "trickle down" economics I wonder? Frantically I decide to expand my sell-off and run madly from room to room placing post-it notes marked "stays"/ "goes". The living room suddenly looks too yellow .

I'm confused and realize I need an economist to help me . But which one and do any of them make house calls? No two agree or have the same rescue plan which makes my head spin. Can anyone count to $700 billlion? I've done my homework trying to understand the financial crisis. I can use "asset backed securities, bundles, commercial paper and liquidity in a sentence, maybe even all in the same freaking sentence but my nerves are still jangled. Ben Bernake, Hank Paulson right now my dad looks smarter than either of you...he has piles of cash under his bed . Wow dad, your long term financial planning has finally paid off!

Well the good news is the crisis has taken my mind off of the election. I really, really needed a debate break. I haven't thought about Sarah Palin in days which has helped my digestion and allowed me to cancel my therapist. Nothing quite like global bankruptcy as distraction. In the meantime I've got to get back to my selling .... or should I be buying?! Please call me asap if you know.