"Like a virgin, again"

Who wants to be a virgin? Again. Sounds like a new reality game show doesn't it? Anyone anxious to be a contestant? How about one of those left over "bachlorettes"? Or rejected American Idols? Wow what a prize this time around... your virginity back. Here's a little pin with "Virgin Again" on it for your efforts. And I was afraid of becoming a BL (bag lady), being a VA might be scarier. "Intimate surgery" as they politely call it, or hyman repair, is on the rise, and not just for Muslim women who risk death for pre-marital sex. (Now those girls should rush to their nearest fix it shop, as I wouldn't want a posse of male family members chasing me down with stones or guns). I read women are having their virginity restored as a Valentine's Day present for their husbands. HUH? And why, why, why? Is there a Hallmark card for this?

I'm miffed. I think money for elective surgery is better spent on your face. Virginity is not a gift that keeps on giving like a face lift. I just lost my period, I don't want to put out an "a.p.b." for my virginity. Come on, the first time isn't fun, just a milestone; a story to laugh about with your girlfriends when you're shit faced. Besides, now I'd have to consider my expensive Frette bedding, instead of a leaky water bed or sleeping bag. Ixnay to being a VA. Keep the pin.

And men, why would you even want a virgin? Let me know asap. I believe in the test drive... many, many test drives. A lifetime of a bad lover for a virgin... who wants to be the first contestant?