Studying the tribal women of Orange County

I need an emergency Rabbi, Priest or anyone bearing cloth! Help! Just when I thought the world couldn't possibly get any scarier, it did. I watched "The Housewives of Orange County". Why would I do this when I was terrified by the "Twilight Zone" and "Shock Theater" as a child? The "housewives" make Freddy Kruger look like a fun attractive guy to hang with. I need holy water asap. Who are these "Orange" housewives and how did they get a tv show?

It was eerily like watching the Travel Channel's "Living with the Mek" except instead of traveling with two wacked out British boys studying this ancient Amazon tribe, I felt like Margaret Mead observing the lives of a back stabbing, foot stamping, narcissistic, garishly ornamented band of 40 year old women living and procreating in Orange County, Ca. Anthropologically speaking, their most notable and common feature were their GIANT breasts. I'm talkin' huge! Parental discretion advised, HUGE. I pondered whether this was a form of tribal status or the work of plastic surgeons on crack. I was miffed, and a bit grossed out. Their clothing was equally confusing. Perhaps the blindingly colored, short, low cut dresses were a way to frighten predators in the wilds of Orange County. Or a fashion tribute to Wilma Flintstone. Personally, I was scared and tempted to turn off the tv so as not to have really bad dreams.

Shamefully, I observed the "Orange Tribe" for 3 hours which included the season finale. Unfortunately their breasts didn't explode, which would have been a really good "cliff hanger". In the end and anthropologically speaking, I kept asking myself the same questions... Could these really be women? Can lives be this empty? And is this wacked out Orange girl tribe on the endangered species list?