Outsmarted by My Phone

I confess, my new smart phone is smarter than I am. Yep, it's true, no contest.  Hands down the phone wins.  It doesn't matter that I went to college , was an English major and read a lot of books - no siree, symbolism, metaphors, similes, allegory have nothin' on my new shiny Galaxy s5.  It doesn't care that Moby Dick wasn't just a whale or poor Hester Prinn had to wear a scarlet letter or whether or not it was "the best or worst of times" nope the horrid little machine has made a mockery of me .  My brain is full of the wrong information.  And all these years I thought I was smart.  I'm so over.

Admittedly the pressure to posses a smart phone became too great.  I was laughed at by my peer group and even children under 12 because I didn't have one.  I began to feel unpopular which reminded me I wasn't picked for the cheerleading squad in high school although years of therapy helped.  Truthfully I was happy with my not-so-smart phone.  It had a keyboard that was like a typewriter not the surface of a skating rink like my new device.  My typing skills are useless as I miss every letter and have now resigned myself to the new spelling of my name - "Fsuj."  I have yet to figure out how to answer the phone and simply stare at it when it rings. As for all the pictures I planned on taking and sending to friends and family - not happening.  I saw myself in the view finder by mistake and needed a Valium.  I can "swipe" the screen and find technological happiness according to the critics.  Who are these people and shouldn't they get out more?

I have one more day to decide the fate of my Galaxy s5 and whether or not we have a future.  Tomorrow is the return deadline. The folks at the Verizon store hide shaking in the back when they see me, as I now spend all my free time there begging for help and counseling.  I feel like the techno Hamlet - "To return or not to return?" I believe my friend Gregg has a Vegas line going on the fate of the phone. Call me asap if you think you can help...but then again I don't know how to pick up.