Holy cow Batman! How could this happen? The sky must be falling. Hell must have frozen over! I just read in the New York Times the rich are getting fat from stress. Net worths have slipped from nine figures to eight! Ouch babe, that would freak me out too. Hand over the Oreos, this is a crisis. I can't imagine what it must be like to cut back on jewelry. "Harry Winston I love your diamonds but this is good-bye. The Shoe Discount Warehouse doesn't carry copy-down Manolos do they? Oh God, the beautiful blond streaks cost $350 a pop...no not the blond streaks"! Who could go back to "single process" without bursting into tears? It gets worse ... chartered jets instead of private; like a dagger in the heart. Kiss the Gulfstream bye-bye and say hello to lowly Beech and Learjets. "No, no, please, not the art budget, take my Mercedes but not my Picasso"! I NEED A KLEENEX BREAK!
I almost forgot, what about the trophy wives? Will they stay? Are they calling lawyers before eight figures becomes seven? This is a real test of their love isn't it rich guys? Feel like a couple of Oreos? Come on cheer up, just take on a huge amount of debt to cover your tracks because I don't think trophy girls sign up for fortune reversal. I suggest you keep it very, very quiet. This could however, be good times for divorce attorneys. Whoops, did I say that? I bet your marriage is just fine; she loved you regardless of the 30 year age difference. I hope you had a lot in common... besides "soup". Of course she'll sell the second house in Aspen and go back to work. Put the cookies down.
Take it from me, a stressed out poor person, gaining weight won't solve anything. I know nothing says "I love you" like a Hostess Cupcake but that is followed immediately by self loathing. I wish I could say "I feel your pain" but I can't. I've never seen 9 figures become 8. I've seen 6 become 5 and then 4. Wanna trade for a Twinkie?
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MY FAVORITE!! I read in the New York Times how a wealthy male New Yorker's fortune has dropped from $12mil to $8mil. He has chatted with a financial consultant because he is afraid his wife will leave him. He is now borrowing at an alarming rate trying to maintain the style of living to which his wife has grown accustomed. The consultant's reply: stop borrowing, put your wife on a budget and if she leaves you...good riddance.
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